Not myself.

I know I haven't been feeling like myself. I've lost most of my emotions today. I felt glum and morose. Everything I listened to, just didn't make any sense or showed any emotions. Surprisingly, even John Legend sounded like he was bored with girls when he sang Save Room. Tell me about it *widens eyes*

While taking my silhouette photograph, my head was full of things that didn't make any sense and I just didn't see the purpose of anything. Words and voices keep ringing in my head. Those haunting voices. It was just repeating nonsense.

I don't know when I'm going to get back my normal self. I just want to snuggle up to somebody and just forget the world. Something I'd love.

<3

I miss both my sisters.

Ramadhan.

Have I mention that Ramadhan has just started? For about four days now. It has gone well despite feeling faint and tired all day long. Happy Ramadhan to all the Muslims that reads my blog.

Inspiring

There are so many other photographers that I adore as well but I've no time to list them all. But everyone is inspiring to me. Keep up the magical work everybody :)

I also adore Malaysian Photographers. Ella, Prakash, Shafina, Han Ghazi, Futuna, K-G, Hilmi and so many others. You guys rock and hope to one day meet you guys! Rockkkk on.

Jeremy, Kirk, Lou, Loren, Lindsey, Katelyn, Eden, Meg Elizabeth, Rosie Hardy, Lize, Olatz, I'm a mermaid princess, Carlo Nicora, Miss Loisy, Hattie Mahatma, Brainluggut, Maddy, Mishgon, Nirrimi, Keels, Danish, Dylan S, Molly, Zara.

Oh and so many more! I'm so sorry if I had left anyone out.

Au Naturale.

Megan McIsaac is another photographer which I absolutely adore. Her natural photographs is just so inspiring. I'm deeply inspired by her. She's beautiful, smart and just amazing behind and in front of the camera.

There are just no words to describe her. She's just amazing. It has been awhile since I've checked her stream and I did awhile ago. It was stunning!

Check check her ouuuuuuut!

Vintage

Mackenzie Ashton, another teen photographer that I truly admire. They're just so unique and gorgeous. There's a tinge of vintage as well. Filmy look in modern times.

Check her out immediately!

I'd like to post my faves from her stream but she doesn't allow downloading. But please please check her out!

Incredible

Lindsey is a beautiful photographer. She has a very good eye. Everything about her photographs is lovely!

Please do check her out!

A favorite of mine from her stream

To two very Spanish and Malay white girls.

Dear friends, i think you are my friends. so here i am, the third best friend talking. so here's what i have to say, i think that you guys are nice. but really, i think this is the last straw. tomorrow i will have to see you but i will avoid you until i have to talk to you. only when i have to talk to you, then i will. i'm sorry but i really cannot stand topics like such- friendships, serious talk. unless i feel like dying. i stress on the i feel like dying.

so anyways. i do think that you are taking advantage of me. i also think that you are very ungrateful. this is me being straight forward. so yes, how you feel is exactly, indeedly doo daa, how i felt the very moment you say things like that. yes i do know that i am wrong. but you give out many vibes that scream "I AM JUST YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE MY SECOND HALF IS NOT HERE" maybe that's not true but let's move on. oh and for your information. i did not read your blog post, maybe just a little bit because, honestly, i cannot face reality. that's me being honest.

and yes, cheating is very bad. yes people cheat. you've gotten cheated on, you have cheated but really, cheating has it's own meaning. just because you've only cuddled and did not say whether or not you like the person, it's still wrong. just because your son of a bitch ex (hopefully) boyfriend kissed a person, so you are saying you want it to be even? i cannot be happy for you because you are doing something wrong. i cannot be a friend if you are doing something that you know you shouldn't do. i wouldn't be your friend if i didn't tell you it was wrong. you feel happy and you don't feel wrong about it. but imagine you are in my place and i did that, would you be happy? would you think "thank goodness she is doing that even though she has a boyfriend". i know i can't. if something happened and i knew i could have done something to prevent it. it will haunt me forever. i know i'm not the only one who thinks of this as well. cuddling exudes the emotion "I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU!" you already said it as well, so it's wrong. unless we didn't know, then i suppose it's fine. wait, still not. sorry. no i'm not being sarcastic. i sound sarcastic but really it's just 3.10 am and i can't sleep because i keep thinking that some scary woman is playing with my hair. word. other than that, i know i'm friends with the people you dislike. i know sometimes i say that i dislike them and end up being their friends? i'm just full of remorse. i can't act towards hatred. could you just not sabotage my friendship with her? i know she stole your ex and is a bitch but i mean, i have memories with her. if she wants to end it, then it's the end but for now, i'm still her friend. you can get really annoying and on my nerves. sometimes, you act so pretentious. you act very very bitchy. i think sometimes you are just desperate. sometimes i find you horrible and i can't look at you. but after everything, i'm still your friend. cause it won't be right if i look at you only at the worse ways. i still have respect for you and everyone has their own bad qualities.

you want to know how i think that you are taking advantage? ok fine, i said the wrong word. it was absolutely not TAKING ADVANTAGE. i just think you are just ungrateful. that's all. i don't expect you give me ANYTHING in return, actually it's a pleasure helping you out, really. it is. but all i want back is genuine care and love. maybe you are graetful but you just can't express it. you know when all you do is talk about your other friends? how lovely and fantastic they are? well i just feel sad and sometimes, i think you are just giving me a hint that i've not done a really good job in being your friend. after all, i am just your third best friend. also could you, maybe, turn down your absolute harshness and all. that would be nice because not everyone has a strong willpower to be strong. maybe try to soften your heart a little bit? cause i can't stand anymore hardcore reality. please don't get all defensive and angry at me because i'm saying this. i'm a coward cause i can't face it to you because i can't take anymore sarcastic remarks from you. so really, i'm sorry. and also try to limit your jokes, cause they are either racist and really..just not funny. but hurtful. that's all.

also about me not sticking to my words. i'm sorry i never keep to my words. it's just that, you never stick to your words too. and how am i suppose to live with that? you keep changing and making pretzels out of your words too! and i'm scared of both of you. very terribly scared. from being your best friends, or i hope i was for these past 5/4 years, i am very terrified of both of you. scared of being hurt, scared of doing a mistake and end up being hurt. sometimes you guys just don't play a role of being my best friend but instead only to, yourselves. you both are just suppose to be best friends. i, on the other hand, i'm just the backup plan. really, i feel like it's like that. i love you both very much and memories that we've shared, i cherish them. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. but maybe it's best if, i just remain.. alone. you guys have each other.

please don't be angry. i cannot take anger from you girls anymore.


Yours forever grateful to your kindness,

Mina.

theplug.

it is about time i develop this roll of film that i've been contemplating on developing. i had my doubts on how it'll look like but well, let'er rip! i'll be developing them soon enough.

ThePlug is brilliant and also very amusing. check it out immediately! it's so smart and funny.

oh how i adore film so much. i need to save up some greens to get a decent film camera. oh boo hoo

You're so naive

I've just encountered with the worse intuition ever but who knows.

I had a dream that clearly says, I will just be in pleasure for a moment or two and I will end up being left.

Strong womanly intuition or 14 year old naive optimistic thinking?

I am down right puzzled.

----

I've not done any wrong nor have I done any rights.

I am just strictly, human.

pictures

I'M SO LAZY LAHHH. Band pictures/Merdeka-wise.

I will upload them lah. Just not now.

I can send in msn if anybody wants them that badly.

evil_pink_child@hotmail.com

:)

Black and white

i really don't know whether it is me that i am looking at or another different person.

Strung

I had a very blond day, really. So got the Ntv7 thing done and over. I am absolutely not satisfied with my photographs. Absolute amateur work. Shall do better next time then. My friends were being bitches and I can't comprehend why. I am not one to promote rants/complaints about someone but I need to let it out. So yes, what on earth did I do to make you act ridiculously mean to me? I've offered to drive. I've offered a place to stay. I've offered almost everything and yet I get, absurdities. Yes, I'm sorry if I was being very blond with two of the most funniest men in Ntv7 but really, are you furious because I was with them? I am also very sorry for being very versatile. I am sorry because I speak with an accent that you are oblivious to. I have always been speaking with an accent and now you tell me I am a pretentious bitch. And please stop repeating every single thing that happens to you. It bores me. I am not interested in your fortunes and misfortunes. Sure and you're telling me she was a bad friend. It is ironic how you can't see that you are also just absolutely, the same.




Other than being ridiculously annoyed, I had a very nice day. I was absolutely calmed by the smoke and also by the wind by the window. Read my book, but after awhile, drifted off to sleep with my book in hand. The wind still blowing. It was lovely.